HEAVY WEIGHT

I hit a breaking point with working out this week.

I had a typical Crossfit workout (10 -->1 of light thrusters and burpees) and cried because it was so hard for me...it was a 7 minute workout. I then [involuntarily]cried trying to do a one rep max back squat at #115 because I struggled to get it up...my max in August was #195. Meanwhile, I had to put up with four guys who followed me up to the gym and sat right outside the open window and stared at me working out for 30 minutes...all while making inappropriate racial and sexual comments and jokes. And then to cap off the stellar night, I got hit by a car (again) on the run home. It started to bruise pretty bad and of course no one stopped to help and the car sped off.

And honestly, I'm at my breaking point because this really isn't that different from every other day. I am constantly catcalled, harassed, hit, spit at, followed, or hit-on all while I am just merely trying to go to the gym and workout. There's no water or restroom at the gym so there's constant fear that, despite preparation, I still might end up thirsty or needing to use the restroom at the gym.

I've spent a lot of time frustrated with myself because really I should just be grateful to have weights and some equipment, right?! But truly the price to my mental health is just really heavy. My head knew coming into this year that I would lose a lot of strength and fitness but my heart is now catching up and the feeling of disappointment of regression really hurts. I have this internal battle and feel ashamed that despite the big hopes and dreams I have for my future in Crossfit, there are some days that I just can't muster up enough energy and motivation to overcome the mental toll it takes to workout here.